Lost to the Darkness: A Story of Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks
by Author2b9411bloggergirl
Summary: Padfoot has been kidnapped! Tonks insists, much to Remus Lupin's dislike, that she come along. Upon arrival, the Order finds Sirius, his destiny catching up with him, to Tonks despair.Emotionally blinded, she runs off, trying to find the creature responsible for taking her beloved cousin from her, who she use to spend the summers with. Lupin follows, the sight before him horrifying
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This takes place during Harry, Ron, and Hermione's time at Hogwarts. Hermione has invented a special potion, in the hopes to win Harry's heart, which brought his parents back! (That's why James is in this part ;)) The Order had gone on a rescue mission to find Sirius, who had been kidnapped, drained of most of his magic, taken to the cave of Harry's 6th year, and finished off by the dementors. In an attempt to find a way to save him using extremely ancient magic, Tonks dashed off, searching for the dementor that had taken her beloved cousin, only to get attacked herself...

"Tonks, no!" Remus cried out, but he knew deep down that he was too late. He was still at least two hundred feet from her, from the crystaline rocks that she was standing on. The dementor had closed in on Tonks, hovering just above the lake, had closed in on his whole world.

Tonks turned and look him dead in the eyes, a tear slid down her cheek, as the dementor's mouth met hers. She went rigid, then fell back. "NO!" Remus Lupin ran forward, he ran with the speed of a wolf.

He knelt next to her,"Tonks? Tonks, please." He sat her up. She sat there, face tear-stained, looking across the green waters.

"Tonks?" he tried again.

"So-so c-cold...and...alone," her eyes were vacant, filled with a sadness that not even he could understand.

Suddenly, a coldness struck his lungs, his world blurred.

"You never loved me, did you? I was so blind! I was such a fool! Why did you leave me, Remus? Why did you abandon me?" Tonks' voice filled his mind.

"Tonks-no, I-I never," he managed, in a strangled sounding voice. He could hear her sobbing. His heart sank and he felt the coldness burrow even deeper into him. "You left her to die, now you will feel exactly what she felt," the cold voice of the dementor filled his head. His heart was sinking, drowning in a darker abyss than he had ever imagined possible.

"Tonks?" he asked the air. He needed her. He needed her smile, her laugh, her sense of humor, he needed to hear her voice. He needed her to forgive him.

Out of nowhere, a blinding light appeared, and Remus Lupin fell back, coughing, his lungs burning as they filled with the warm, dank air of the cave. "Moony, you ok?" James asked, offering him a hand. Remus sat there, staring, the words he had just heard from Tonks permanently put on repeat in his mind.

"Moony?" He felt James reach into his breast pocket, he heard a faint crinkle of a chocolate wrapper, and then the sweet taste of its contents on his tongue.

A while later, he could at least function again. He looked next to him, Tonks still sat, staring at nothing in particular. "C'mon, Moony," James heaved him up. Staggering, Lupin picked up Tonks, carrying her all the way home.

"I tried to stop her, Remus," Mad-Eye's gruff voice tried to reason with the aged looking man, who had not left Tonks' side in almost a week. Tonks had simply been sitting on her bed, staring, occasionally tears would fall from her eyes. She was catatonic, a term that muggles used when they didn't realize they had been attacked by a dementor. Lupin merely nodded, not responding. Tonks was here, but not the Tonks he knew, not the Tonks that he had never gotten to tell he loved. She died thinking she was a fool, thinking she was unloved by the one man who loved her the most. He sniffled, trying not to cry.

"Yeah, I know, Mad-Eye," his throat was tightening, he tried swallowing hard. He felt Mad-eye's stout, yet strong hand on his shoulder, then heard the "thump, thump," of his uneven leg as he left. Left alone, no one but himself judging what he did next, he blinked and felt a warm tear slide down his face.

"Tonks?" he choked out. She had one of his old button-ups on as well as an old, torn cloak. She had been so cold, so cold and so empty. He looked around the room, for the first time in days. His eyes fell on Tonks' hand, it was blackened, grayish, and peeling. He covered his mouth. It couldn't be, not yet, not to Tonks. He took her hand, it was as cold as ice.

Abruptly he stood, walking to the door, he placed his arm on the wall, and rested his head on it. It had started. The pain she must be in for it to happen so quickly, it usually took a month to change, at least. She thought that he had abandoned her, that he had never loved her...She couldn't have been more wrong, but, if that was truly how she felt, then no wonder the change was happening so quickly. This was all his fault, if he had just put his own demons aside and told her how he felt, maybe she would have been able to conjure a patronus. Why had he faltered? Why hadn't he cast one himself? He had let her down in so many ways, he didn't deserve her, he didn't deserve her love, which had apparently been stronger than he ever could have hoped for.

He turned back, sliding his hand down his mouth and chin. What could he do? How could he save her? There had to be a way...There just had to be...

Please review! I am always looking for new feedback! I am not sure if this will be a stand alone story or if I will write a prequel or just add on, it kinda started in the middle :P


	2. Chapter 2

Tonks is losing hope, her heart is breaking. How could Lupin, her best friend, simply abandon her and leave her to die? How could he never have loved her back? Had he never seen anything in her at all, except an annoying child? She's cold, but not just chilly, it's like...It's like she can't feel anything but pain anymore.

CHAPTER 2:

The world was so dark, the room was incredibly dim, and no light shone. To Nymphadora Tonks, the world was practically black and white. She felt empty, her stomach felt cold, like she was constantly falling. She was so numb, that she barely felt the icy tear that fell down her cheek.

He had abandoned her. WHY had he abandoned her? Was it because he had never loved her? She had known that he hadn't, but somehow she had convinced herself otherwise, at least, on the surface she had.

How could she have been so naive? She must have looked like a fool! Like a little, lovesick puppy!

She had at least thought they had been friends. Had he just been tolerating her so as not to hurt her? Oh, how could she have been so blind!?

Another tear ran down her numb face. Her heart was heavy, but felt nothing except the pain she held. He had left her, he had let her die! She felt like her entire world was falling apart at the seams.

Now, she felt even more foolish, all of this pain for what? For a man? For a man who never even saw her that way? Who was she kidding, though? Remus Lupin wasn't just any old man, he was the man she had loved nearly her entire life! More tears fell.

She was pathetic! Naive and pathetic and ridiculous! She shivered.

Her body wasn't just numb, it was numb with cold. With an unnatural, eerie, painful cold. "I'll always love you, Remus," she thought,"No matter how you feel about me."

Her right hand felt so heavy, so cold and so numb, like when your foot falls asleep to where it's like a ten pound weight is tied to it. Who cared? Who cared about her hand? About her? About anything anymore?

The only thing she wanted to have was Remus' love, just to know that he had at least felt SOME kind of compassion for her. That he had felt that spark when their hands had brushed. That he had longed to hold her hand just as much as it had burned in her. The first person she wanted to see in the morning, to talk to at night, to tell any good news that came her way was Remus, but he had simply tolerated her, had simply put up with her. Maybe that was what hurt the most, maybe it was her feeling sorry for herself, or maybe it was just that he had given up on her...


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Remus Lupin paced the length of his room repeatedly, trying to think, the sound of his footsteps no longer reaching his ears, they had involuntarily blocked the noise out. How could he help her? How could he save Tonks?

Sure, no one had ever been turned back from being a dementor, but surely no one had ever loved someone as much as he loved Tonks. He HAD to get her back, he couldn't live without her! He sat down with a heavy sigh at his desk, only to stand once more and restart his past activity.

How? How? How?

"Ok," he thought,"dementors are made by feeding off of someone's happiness. Since it took everything from her -he shuddered- then she has nothing happy left, only her bad memories and unresolved doubts. If I could just make her believe that she once had a happy life or, at least, a happy memory!" He shook his head, trying to think harder.

"What makes people happy, truly happy? Kindness? Love? Love is the most powerful magic, but, Remus you must think LOGICALLY!"

His mind was so clouded with sadness and frustration and a quickly growing sense of urgency, that he could hardly think straight. He couldn't cut corners. Whatever he did, it had to be fool proof.

Out of nowhere, he felt an almost physical pain in his chest. How could she NOT realize how he felt? How could he have let her believe that he didn't love her? He was such a fool!

"Ok, ok," he tried to steady himself,"Magically speaking, the dementor has left her hollow, an empty shell of her former self, her memories, personality, everything about her has been taken." He felt his heart sink as he thought about this, but pushed forward.

"A dementor retains the soul of the person it has fed from, but not for too terribly long. I wonder if it still has her inside of it?" But how was he EVER going to find the dementor that had drained her of her soul? It wasn't like they all had ID tags or like the one would just step forward, scabbed, dead-looking hand raised, and say,"Here! I did it! It was me!"

A knock sounded at his door. Though he really didn't want any company, his legs forced him to arrive at the source of the only half unexpected sound, opening it to find Sirius Black.

"Remus?" he said uneasily.  
"Come on in." He turned and walked to his bed, sitting on the edge.  
"Remus, I'm so sorry about Tonks," his best friend said softly.  
Remus could tell that Sirius was hurting as well. After all, Tonks had been his cousin. Lupin swallowed hard, not wanting to cry,"I-it's fine, Paddy," he managed.  
"I know you miss her, but you can't stay cooped up in here all day," Sirius tried.  
"I'm not, I'm looking for a way to help her."  
Sirius looked shocked. "Remus, there is no way, she was kissed," he said the last part quietly.

"There has to be, Sirius!" he stood, infuriated. He knew how he must look, how he must sound, but surely his best friend wouldn't turn his back on him now. Honestly, what did Sirius have to lose?

"I have to find a way, she died thinking I abandoned her, thinking...thinking I never loved her," he now stood at his window, pretending to look out of it but, in reality, his eyes focused on nothing.

"Remus, please, you're not being logical, you're not making any sense."  
Lupin tried to ignore him, he had given up on him, he did think he was crazy.

Just then, he heard the floor creak and knew, by the sound of the footsteps in the old house, that James Potter had just arrived at the open door. He heard Sirius get up to greet his other old friend. He knew what was happening, he could tell by the hushed tone of Sirius' whispers. Sirius was telling James how he, Remus J. Lupin, had lost it. He was telling him about his plan, about how old Moony had broke at the loss of Tonks.

Suddenly, he felt a gentle, comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Moony, but I don't think there's a way," James quiet voice said.  
Lupin turned around quickly,"There has to be, James! I won't rest until I find a way! If we could save you and Lil, then there has to be a way to save Tonks!"  
James Potter looked taken aback, as he stepped away a few paces. Lupin felt sorry for snapping at his friend, at the one who had put it gently, who had put the most probable truth in a soft way, but what he had said was the truth:

He would not rest, not once, until he found a way to bring Tonks back.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Tonks is changing, but she doesn't know that. All that she knows is that she's sad, that she's alone, and that she can't feel anything anymore...

Tonks sat, she didn't know where, she didn't really care. A few days had passed, possibly, all she knew was that it had felt like an eternity. The only thing that she remembered, was that someone, though not who, had abandoned her. The only thing that she remembered, was that it had been someone she had greatly cared about.

Apparently, to her immense pain, they had not returned her feelings, whatever those had been. She couldn't remember how she had felt anymore. She couldn't remember much of anything.

She let out a heavy sigh. She was SO tired of being cold, no, she would've settled for being cold, she was sick of being FRIGID! Luckily, over the past few days, the coldness had started to subside, now she was nearly numb.

She hadn't moved in a while, but she didn't really want to, she couldn't really bring herself to. She was numb and lost, lost in thought, lost in the emotionless wasteland that now blanketed her, blocking out every ounce of sunlight from her life.

Another tear slid down her cheek, all that she felt was a tingling down the same path that had been being tread for days or months or maybe years, she didn't know; this only made her cry more.

please rate and review! Keep an eye out, soon I will be making a YouTube channel! Don't be afraid to PM me either, maybe I'll read them on the channel! ;).

-Author


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